Sunday, November 21

Fall out with your Lover

A Big Fight and Deep Hurt is FeltI hate it when my partner and I fight. I know some couples get off on arguing and fight as a way to pass the time. But when we fight, something breaks inside me.

There's a feeling you get when your lover's mad at you. Or at least there's a feeling that I get. It's a feeling that sits deep inside me. It's an emptiness that needs to be filled. An emotion that needs to be expressed. A guilt that must be confessed to.

When I'm excluded from his touch, excluded from his love, it feels as if I've been cut off from life itself for a while. And I feel it all through me. Every part of me wrong. Every inch of me feel confused when I know that he's mad at me.

And I know, of course, from experience that with in a few hours, it will be gone, and life will go on as normal, still during those few hours my heart trembles. I feel like I want to shout, or scream, or punch something just because it's the only way I can begin to ease the feeling of loss that I get whenever that love goes away, whenever that love leaves me for a minute or for a day.

Maybe it's just me, it probably is. I'm good at over-reacting. But to me, losing that love, is like losing part of myself. It's like tearing a chunk out of my soul.

And it's a shame that the time I most realise how I feel about him, and how deeply connected I am to him, is a few seconds after the fight is over.

Sometimes having a spirit can hurt too.

But then, later on, you get to make up.

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Spiritual Atheist said...
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