Why is an Atheist trying to find Spirituality?

I've been an atheist for 5 years now.  

Like many atheists, I was once a believer. I was a born-again christian for 18 years - your standard happy-clappy, dancing in the aisles, washed with the blood, believer. I would witness to my friends at school, would argue with my class mates over evolution during biology classes, and would fall on the floor, laughing, or crying, in the spirit during the Sunday services.

But little by little, logic, rationality, common-sense took a hold of me, little by little I began to see the impossibility of God for what it is: an impossibility. I saw the contradictions, the lies, the fear, and, one day, I simply let god go.

But with letting God go, I let go of other things I had come to rely on. I lost my support group of friends from my church, I lost the hope of eternal life, I lost a right to believe that anything is possible, and I lost a friend that I could talk to whenever I wanted.

The freedom that comes with Atheism makes up fo this somewhat. My life is now my own, I can choose what path to take, live the life i want to live, without fear of repercussion or eternal damnation. And for several years now I have revelled in the world of science, instead of the world of faith. The truth behind our existence is much more exciting than the stories religion tell.

But at the same time I have become something of a cynic. In disregarding all faith, I have confined myself to a life solely of logic and rationality. By looking at the explanation behind everything, I sometimes forget the amazing story the explanation is telling. The world is more than just a collection of physics, chemistry, biology, psychology and sociology. It is a beautiful place to be. Life is more than a chemical reaction. It's a wonder, an honour and an adventure.

This blog is my attempt to remind myself of the beauty, the wonder, and the wholeness of the universe. And to experience as much of that beauty for myself as I can.

I've only got one life to live now after all. I want to make sure that I spend it enjoying the wonder that is all around me.

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