Before I saw this question, I had never even wondered why glass was transparent. It just was.
But as soon as I saw the question, I was amazed that I had never asked it. I knew I had to know the answer.
And now I do!
Bam! Thank you Science!
On Saturday afternoon, I had my first attempt at mindful meditation. I was in the bath, relaxing after going for a run, and decided to pull back and watch my thoughts for a while.
I had the house to myself and it seemed a good a time as any, after all, and at least I wouldn't be wasting time!
This, is how the experience went:
"Ok, I should close my eyes. Should I close my eyes? Does it matter? Yes, I'll close my eyes. Less distractions that way. Close my eyes, and focus on my breathing.
Wait, I should set a timer, or I something. In fact I wonder If I can get an android app to help? Where's my phone. Oh look, there is a meditation app! How helpful! Ok install. Man, what's with the slowness. I'm trying to relax here! Install already! Oh it's done. Right.
Now how long should I do this for. 30 Minutes? Man that seems long. Maybe I should start with 5. But then that's kind of like rushing through meditation! Ok 15 minutes then. That should be fine. Wow look at all these other settings! And there's a widget too. I wonder what that does!
Alight fine, lets go. 15 minutes with a 30 second warm up. Start. Close my eyes. Relax.
Why hasn't the start bell gone off yet? It must have been more than 30 seconds by now... Is the app not working? Do I have the volume turned right down? What's going on? Is my phone broken. I only just got this damn thi... Oh! Oh there's the bell. Ok close eyes, lie back... Wait. What was that? Was that water spilling? My Kindle's down there! Is it wet? No! No, it's fine, but I should move it, or it will get wet. Let's put it over there. Oh I touched it with wet hands. Idiot! Need a towel! There. Ok. It looks dry. Does it still work? Yeah. Ok. Alright. Close eyes, lie down, slowly this time. Breath. Focus on my breath. In, and out. In, and out.
I wonder what my thoughts will be! I need to write about this so I should try to remember them. But if n I'm thinking about my thoughts, then I'm thinking, and I'm not meant to think about my thoughts and... Stop! Breathing! In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In.
I wonder what I'm meant to be doing here. I mean I'm supposed to watch my thoughts, but I'm not thinking anything. I'm just breathing. Should I try to think? Ok, let's see. I'm tried. I'm wet. My legs ache...
Urgh, there's water running down my face. Probably shouldn't have got my hair wet before trying this. Why'd I decide to do it in the bath anyway! I mean sure I'm relaxed, but those water drops are so annoying. Gotta wipe it away. Am I allowed to do that? It's not really relaxing. Gotta get rid of it though. Ok, that's better.
Breathing. Brea-thing. Why isn't this bath so small? Kinda hurts to have to have my head like this. Maybe I should get one of those bath cushions. Has that extractor fan always been so loud? Why is my hair itching? How am I supposed to concentrate on my breathing with all these distractions!
BREATHING! That's right. I'm meant to be focusing on my breathing. You are meant to be focusing on your breath. Ok? In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Hmm this is nice. This is kind of restful. I could get used to this. In fact I think I could do this a lot more often... Yes... and...
What? Crap! Nearly fell asleep there! Concentrate Simon! Focus on your breath. But so many distractions! That damn fan. I'll put my ears under the water. There that's better, like being in one of those isolation chambers. Cool.
Ok. Breathing. Wow my breath sounds really loud like this. In. Out. In. Out. In. Wait, I won't hear the finish Bell under here. In fact, it must have been more than 15 minutes by now right? What's that thumping? Is someone downstairs. What the heck is that? Is that... that's my pulse. Man my heart is going fast. Should it be going that fast? I'm meant to be relaxing here. I should get my ears out from the water. I really don't want to miss the timer. There. Ah but that fan! No! Ignore the fan. Focus on your breathing. On your breathing damn it!
In. And out. And in. And out. And In. And out. And in... And out...
Hey... I'm getting pretty good at this..."
And that was when the finish bell sounded.
"All of the first generation atheists without an exception have residual nagging believes – Freudian remnants of the psychological rapes their poor minds suffered when they were, as infants & teenagers, at the mercy of their brain-washed parents, society and the church! When in doubt, when in fear, and when in need of self preservation - they resort back to religious believes, incantations, and to mother church, synagogue, mosque or temple." [Whole paragraph sic]
As a first generation Atheist I find this intriguing.
There are habits hard wired into me. For example, I still tend to think out loud, as if praying, I still love old fashioned christian Hymns, and I still tend to beg the universe, call it God if you like, when things go wrong. It's a reflex almost, the desire to shout out to some unseen force "Please help me!"
The difference is that I don't expect an answer anymore.
I've had some pretty hard times in my life both before and after losing my faith. Before I would pray to god, I would weep before him, and I would have faith that he would make things right.
Now, I talk out loud, beg the universe for help, and then, knowing that that doesn't achieve anything, I go out and get things done. In the hard times I've had since becoming an atheist, I have neither gone back to God, back to the Bible or back to my church. I've gone to my friends, gone to my family, or simply gone to my own mind, and I've done the best I can to make things right again.
And so, from personal experience, I'd say you can be a first generation Atheist. We may do quirky things, but the difference between us and our parents is that we know our hands are for working, not just for praying that things turn out our way.
But when I think of Darwin, I think of Atheism. Darwin, and the hundreds who have continued and improved his work, made me the atheist I am today. And they showed as well that an atheist can be a spiritual person.
I was the person in high school who argued against evolution. I would fight with my friends during biology class. I probably missed most of what was being taught, and so I didn't really encounter evolution until I looked into it myself in my early 20's.
I'd already started asking questions. Things had already begun to not make sense, and I had moved away from a Judeo-Christian God, but still believed in some kind of creator. The world was too beautiful, and too connected to not have anyone behind it.
It wasn't until I understood evolution, that I let go of God completely. Evolution was so simple that I didn't have a need for a God anymore. Everything was there because it started small. It made sense, and it didn't need a deity to see it on it's way.
But evolution is more than simple. It's beautiful too. It proves that we have a connection to all of nature. The beasts of the field became my cousins. And it showed me how lucky I was! Far from being a pre-destined creation I was the result of billions of years of evolution, of breeding, of luck. Had anyone of my ancestors failed to breed, had the environment been slightly different, had a single predator chosen a different meal, I wouldn't be here today. I am the result of billions of years of luck. The fact that I am alive is a miracle, larger than any I can comprehend.
Evolution whetted my appetite for science too. It showed me my connection with the universe. It challenged my beliefs and showed me how to keep challenging them. And so I grew. I know so much more now than I ever knew as a believer. But more importantly, I know all the things I don't know! Science is an amazing thing, with so many questions, and so many things waiting to be found out. It's like a playground waiting to be explored. And I would never have known about it if it wasn't for evolution.
I owe to Darwin, and the men and women who followed him, a massive thanks. You changed my life, and I have never looked back.
That's probably because of my childhood. (What isn't?) When I was growing up, I was told that meditation was evil. An empty mind paved the way for Demons to come in and take over. And so instead, we would spend hours praying instead. Because somehow that was different. And so in my mind Meditation has strange powers. It connects with a spirit, with the occult, or with some other fictional illusion. And part of me still thinks of it that way. If meditation does require a belief in the supernatural then clearly it's not the kind of thing an Atheist would want to be involved in. But thankfully, as with most things, I've got that wrong.
Meditation is not mystical, or supernatural. At its most basic, meditation is about taking a step back, looking inside your mind, and just noticing what you find there. Mindfullness meditation, especially, is simply a technique in which one pays attention to his or her present emotions, thoughts and body sensations, such as breathing, without passing judgment or reacting. An individual simply releases his thoughts and “lets it go.”
I used to meditate this daily, back when I was in university and was flirting with the idea of New Age and I remember feeling better for it. Watching my thoughts for 10-20 minutes a day meant that I able to keep an eye on them all day. Often I would notice a thought running through my head and have time to think about it before reacting, as if there was a buffer between my thoughts and my mind.
To have that level of awareness can only be described as spiritual. To be able to see into your own thoughts, is to see yourself as you really are. But was that really due to the meditation? Or was that due to my belief in the New Age at the time
But that's just my experience. It doesn't count as science. However, scientific investigations into Mindfulness meditation have found that it can increase concentration, help decrease stress, increase the feeling of general control over your life and increase the feeling of life purpose.
All this just by sitting back and watching the world go by? It seems like something too good to not try!
Further experimentation is required. Therefore, for the next week, from Saturday onwards, I will spend at least 15 minutes a day in mindfulness meditation, and feedback as to what I have found. or if we just feel like we've sat around doing nothing.
I'll post an example of how to do mindfulness meditation tomorrow, and we can see how it goes?
As part of my quest to became a spiritual atheist, I've realised that, for me at least, being spiritual is as much about having a meaning and purpose to your life, as it is about feeling spiritual. When you are living for a greater goal then you are automatically on some kind of spiritual quest.
But maybe I've been doing this wrong. I've been searching for a meaning that's an overarching goal, a mission with a grand goal.
I've been looking for a way to make my life special. But is this really possible? Every wants to be special, but if everyone is special then no-one is. I have no right to think I have anymore chance than anyone else out there. Maybe I will never achieve anything that can outlive me. Maybe I wont leave my footprints behind me as I walk through this life.
But today, I came across this blog post - Happily Ever After where another blogger is contemplating their aim in life. Clearly we bloggers have a lot of time on our hands.
'If someone asked me what I wanted, they would be silly things. Silly little things. It would be having a nice place to live. Perhaps a nice house with a large living room. With laminate flooring. And a proper wood fireplace. And a large grand piano, which I can play with the fireplace roaring on an autumn night.'
There's nothing massive about this. No huge goals. No attempt to change the world. Just a simple wish to find a place in the world where they can be happy. It's a simple goal, but it's a beautiful one.
I wonder if I can lower my goals along these lines. Can a desire to be happy be a spiritual quest? Can I feed my spiritual side with a life of containment? Or by it's very nature is a spiritual destined to be a more ambitious one?
