On Saturday afternoon, I had my first attempt at mindful meditation. I was in the bath, relaxing after going for a run, and decided to pull back and watch my thoughts for a while.
I had the house to myself and it seemed a good a time as any, after all, and at least I wouldn't be wasting time!
This, is how the experience went:
"Ok, I should close my eyes. Should I close my eyes? Does it matter? Yes, I'll close my eyes. Less distractions that way. Close my eyes, and focus on my breathing.
Wait, I should set a timer, or I something. In fact I wonder If I can get an android app to help? Where's my phone. Oh look, there is a meditation app! How helpful! Ok install. Man, what's with the slowness. I'm trying to relax here! Install already! Oh it's done. Right.
Now how long should I do this for. 30 Minutes? Man that seems long. Maybe I should start with 5. But then that's kind of like rushing through meditation! Ok 15 minutes then. That should be fine. Wow look at all these other settings! And there's a widget too. I wonder what that does!
Alight fine, lets go. 15 minutes with a 30 second warm up. Start. Close my eyes. Relax.
Why hasn't the start bell gone off yet? It must have been more than 30 seconds by now... Is the app not working? Do I have the volume turned right down? What's going on? Is my phone broken. I only just got this damn thi... Oh! Oh there's the bell. Ok close eyes, lie back... Wait. What was that? Was that water spilling? My Kindle's down there! Is it wet? No! No, it's fine, but I should move it, or it will get wet. Let's put it over there. Oh I touched it with wet hands. Idiot! Need a towel! There. Ok. It looks dry. Does it still work? Yeah. Ok. Alright. Close eyes, lie down, slowly this time. Breath. Focus on my breath. In, and out. In, and out.
I wonder what my thoughts will be! I need to write about this so I should try to remember them. But if n I'm thinking about my thoughts, then I'm thinking, and I'm not meant to think about my thoughts and... Stop! Breathing! In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In.
I wonder what I'm meant to be doing here. I mean I'm supposed to watch my thoughts, but I'm not thinking anything. I'm just breathing. Should I try to think? Ok, let's see. I'm tried. I'm wet. My legs ache...
Urgh, there's water running down my face. Probably shouldn't have got my hair wet before trying this. Why'd I decide to do it in the bath anyway! I mean sure I'm relaxed, but those water drops are so annoying. Gotta wipe it away. Am I allowed to do that? It's not really relaxing. Gotta get rid of it though. Ok, that's better.
Breathing. Brea-thing. Why isn't this bath so small? Kinda hurts to have to have my head like this. Maybe I should get one of those bath cushions. Has that extractor fan always been so loud? Why is my hair itching? How am I supposed to concentrate on my breathing with all these distractions!
BREATHING! That's right. I'm meant to be focusing on my breathing. You are meant to be focusing on your breath. Ok? In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Hmm this is nice. This is kind of restful. I could get used to this. In fact I think I could do this a lot more often... Yes... and...
What? Crap! Nearly fell asleep there! Concentrate Simon! Focus on your breath. But so many distractions! That damn fan. I'll put my ears under the water. There that's better, like being in one of those isolation chambers. Cool.
Ok. Breathing. Wow my breath sounds really loud like this. In. Out. In. Out. In. Wait, I won't hear the finish Bell under here. In fact, it must have been more than 15 minutes by now right? What's that thumping? Is someone downstairs. What the heck is that? Is that... that's my pulse. Man my heart is going fast. Should it be going that fast? I'm meant to be relaxing here. I should get my ears out from the water. I really don't want to miss the timer. There. Ah but that fan! No! Ignore the fan. Focus on your breathing. On your breathing damn it!
In. And out. And in. And out. And In. And out. And in... And out...
Hey... I'm getting pretty good at this..."
And that was when the finish bell sounded.
1 comment:
LOL! For anybody who meditates, this has to resonate. I was literally laughing out loud as I read this. I remember the first few times meditating and it went almost exactly like you recount. Congratulations on a wonderful exercise.
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